I was reading over the plot line of the game Amnesia Rebirth and it really got me thinking about how susceptible we really were to turning feral at the blink of an eye. I read over how after reuniting with many of her team members, Tasi, the protagonist, the people really turned a page and were so willing to betray and attack her. In all fairness, they were tricked by an evil empress of the underworld that caused them to be more prone to her manipulation, so I thought it was inevitable that they would become so insane because they were thrown to survive in the wild and they had drank that water that made them even more out of it. I kept thinking that if i were in their situation, I would keep my humanity, right?

That question in what made me want to write this. I fear the day I'll get stuck in a situation in the wild with others and I fear that I'll turn into a Jack, or Ralph, or Simon. It's petrifying to realize that my behavior is almost inevitable. I am just another demographic. I can say that I'm different and that I wouldn't do that same, but I know that when it comes down to the bare bones and survival, I am just like anyone else and I will go insane.

the emptiness in endings

Another thing i had been thinking about whiile reading about Amnesia Rebirth had been their endings. The game has three endings

• If Tasi leaves Amari, her daughter, behind, the Empress commends her for making the right choice and fully turns Tasi into a ghoul. As a ghoul, Tasi roams the ruins of the Gate Builder world with only fragmented memories of Amari.
• If Tasi decides to fight the Empress, she injects Red Flesh into the Empress' vitae supply, killing the Empress and destroying what little is left of the Gate Builder civilization. However, both Tasi and Amari are swallowed by the Shadow's growths and perish as well.
• If Tasi decides to flee with Amari, she is able to activate a teleporter that sends her and Amari to Paris and beyond the Empress's reach. Tasi and Amari emerge in Paris, with both of them facing an uncertain future.

I've watched how all these endings looked like, and all of them are very.... unsatisfying. I the developers made sure that all of their endings gave no official closure because they wanted to convey that there is no real happy ending, I think they did that well because I sure as hell am unsatisfied.

I think I knew the concept already, the one about how endings aren't ever really satisfiying or happy or wrapped up in a cute bow like most other stories do. I knew it from Bojack Horseman, I knew it from Jordan Peele's Us and yet I still never really wrapped my head around it. I think writing dwon my thoughts are really helpiing with everything ang keeping track of my thoughts since I never really had the chance to do it as much and as quickly as I'm doing now since all attempts to write down my thoughts had been hand-written except my instagram spam account, which i always post my inner thoughts but that's to the public public so it's a bit biased and altered to be pg.

I am getting way too off track and that was a really long run-on sentence. Anyways, I was talking about the lack of closure of endings. Every ending of Amnesia Rebirth is extremely unsatisfying. In the first ending, Amari gets to live and have a full life, but she is to be living on the entity of tortured humans while Tasi has to suffer as a ghoul and hardly remember her own daughter who she suffered so much for.

Just thinking about it makes me emotional. I imagine having a baby in my arms, a tiny being who has so much innocence and that trust you to no end to love them and keep them alive. If I were to have that baby, I would imagine my entire life with that child and always being there to watch them grow up and see them develop and love them to no end for the rest of my life. Tasi had to give all of that up just so her daughter could live under the care of a manipulative and evil supernatural being. Her daughter would have to grow up and wonder what happened to her real mother and father and she would have to learn that her mother was a mindless ghoul who can't love of truly remember her.

The same goes for all the others: Amari never gets a good ending.

In the second ending, both of them die which is truly the most bittersweet ending. Death itself is truly the most bitter part of this, but there is a sense of peace and satisfaction when you realize that they are both free. Amari is free of her sickness and the grasp of the Empress, while Tasi was free of the burden of her other child and husband's death, and the curse of turning into a ghoul. They, as a family, could finally reunite in death and it's such a happy ending.

The last ending seems to have the same devastating mood as the first one. They both make it back to Paris, but Amari is still sick and will most likely die as her late sister did, while Tasi is still cursed to become a ghoul. It can be very likely that Tasi's infection can cause her to attack her own child if Amari hadn't already died before that.

It truly makes me think back on my own life. What will my ending be? One of my own life goals is to be able to sit on my death bed and say that I have no regrets in my life, but is that really something I can achieve? There can be so many situations that I can never see that will change my life forever. Never knowing what can come and one of those things can cost the life of my or my family truly makes me rethink if I am willing to go through the strife.